Pass the mint jelly

In the throws of taking the California bar exam for the second time (and yes, I mean "throws" as if to say "In frustration Pete throws his MBE/essay/PT book or laptop or neighbor's cat across the room with tremendous force.") I have decided that I must find another hobby. When one says one desires the life of an academic one must take into consideration professional certification exams and the nightmare that is preparing for them. Otherwise one is a muttonhead.

I am a muttonhead.

Truncated holidays, little to no personal time with wife and daughter, littler time to commune with one's pillow, ballooning churlish figure, being the only individual in recorded history personally boycotted by representatives of the United Farm Workers Union standing in solidarity with their coffee bean-picking brethren whose labor loads have increased tenfold since I started studying again--these are just some of the factors that have caused me to consider afresh my roster of recreational activities. And while I find the personal letters of admiration and support from the presidents of Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts, Folgers, Maxwell House, PepsiCo, and some slave driving coffee plantation owner named Jorge amusing, I truly doubt this Bar exam process is worth (a) the suffering I put my family through; (b) the frustration expended every other day by my wildly varying state of emotional stability; (c) the money spent in caffeine, travel, caffeine, fees, caffeine, study materials, and caffeine; and (d) the energy necessary to bellow orders at the picketers to stop bashing my car with their signs. Dudes, it's just bean juice!

Lucky for me I'm a muttonhead. Otherwise I might experience some disapprobation over this situation. Fortuitously I am the possessor of an indefatigable spirit of German élan; ergo I’m a muttonhead that wants spread his penguin-like wings and ... flop? Eat raw seafood! Er… swim in arctic waters…?

Perhaps the analogy needs some massaging. Unfortunately, nature and genetics have robbed me of this opportunity altogether and I must now pass through life as a hunky (read chunky), god-like (read Bacchus), corporate caffeine captivated cretin.

Does whacking picketers constitute a hobby?

/s Muttonhead

N.B. The next time you see Kel, give her a hug. It's pretty hard on her to care for the baby AND Piper during this time....