Drawn and (not quite) Quartered

Today I announce the greatest financial achievement of my already-too-prolonged existence.

I got money from the government.

I’m not talking about welfare, nor am I referring to the income tax refund all schlepps and schmucks are entitled to. Nosirree. I’m talking about genuine, bona fide, “We OWE you money, dread lord Sauer. Not only that, we’re paying interest on what we owe.”

Read literally, “We are your financial slave, do unto us as seemest just to thee!”

To the tune of $.23.

Now I realize this amount is not quite a quarter of a dollar. But this $.23 represents my financial prowess, scilicet, control over the Commonwealth of Virginia’s Department of Taxation.

On behalf of beleaguered and overtaxed citizens everywhere, I invite you to relish this moment with me. I also invite you to take advantage of my beneficence and lower-than-usurious interest rates on all personal and business loans.

Sign up today and get a monogrammed ice cube.