Twelfth Night: Custody of "The Platter"

On Monday night, Pete and I hosted our first annual Twelfth Night party. Being newly married, we understand the importance of creating our own family traditions, and since all of our other holidays were booked, we decided to create a Twelfth Night celebration--a few days late.

The invitation email went out the day of the party and read:

A Cock-Eyed (er... Cockney) Evening

Most of you know about and have been looking forward to our joint jewellry this evening.

For dinner and treats, we'll be serving wig with eyes on feet with head, followed by a dessert fondue made of stairs. To avoid wife, we'll avoid the missis, horse, and watch.

Come meet Road at Soap tonight, seven-o-clock on the nose.

If you expect to gain any idea from this email of what is going on tonight for our "Un-Twelfth Night Party", just be aware that you may all expect anything.

Our house. 7:00. Be there. (Click here for directions)

Your somewhat sincere, albeit well-meaning hosts,

~Pete-n-Kelly~
P.S. translation below...

Most of you know, and have been looking forward to our joint tom-foolery this evening.

For dinner and treats, we'll be serving syrup of figs with mince pies on plates of meat with a loaf of bread, followed by a dessert fondue made of apples and pears. To avoid trouble and strife, we'll avoid cheese and kisses, bottle of sauce, and bottle of Scotch.

Come meet Frog and Toad at Cape of Good Hope tonight, seven-o-clock on the nose.

(Pete has this really great new book of total randomnity... :-D)

At 7:00pm, as scheduled, the party commenced.

We played a few rousing rounds of Catch-Phrase, in which we learned that girls know nothing about sports, boys are very loud, Gabe is very particular about particulars, and Vanessa believes there is a Seattle baseball team called the Seattle Sea Lions. Chris is terrified of the buzzer, and Katie holds the record for the most buzzes.

After that, it was on to a short name game in which we experienced imitations of such random characters as Scott Somerville, Spartacus, and Zelda the Warrior Princess. I think.

Then it was on to the evening's real entertainment: "Family Court:" A custody battle between the newly-freed Katie and John Caleb, who just finished their second-year finals. The battle? Who should *not* gain custody of "The Platter."

Since pictures are worth a thousand words, we'll let them tell the story.

Gabe, counsel for Plaintiff Katie Schlaak, kept ticking off Judge Random. This had some rather nasty consequences.

Examining "The Platter" that Plaintiff Katie was "too feminine" to own.

Plaintiff Katie--Does that laughter look a bit horrified to you?

Defense Counsel Will stands up to object to Expert Witness Abigail's testimony. "The fact that there is no pink on that platter is no reason that my client should be the one to have custody!"

Defendants could not keep straight faces. It seriously affected their credibility.

Defense Counsel insulted Bailiff Vanessa, who had to be restrained by a higher authority. The offense? Will's sea lion imitation: "ARP, ARP!

Expert Witness Abigail--zany femininity personified. "The Rose always helps!"

Or not.

Defense Counsel had serious trouble being serious for his closing arguments. Which were already closed because Defense had rested by the time the Plaintiffs presented their first witness.

Judge Random, now Witness Random, had some trouble staying awake to be sworn in by Bailiff. (Please note that CD case is not a Bible.)

The evidence of Defendant JC's insanity: A can-opener and rubber gloves, brought onto the premises on Defendant's person.

Judge Random would not allow the evidence to be admitted.

Objection! Intimidation of Counsel!

"Very well. We shall prove which one of you deserves custody of 'The Platter.' Cut it in half, and we shall see who the real owner is!"

Abigail was the real owner.

They couldn't believe it! Witness Abigail's amazing generosity stunned Vanessa.

And Chris.

All agreed: it was an extremely fun party.

And who knows where "The Platter" will end up next?